I do... but at what cost? Real talk on wedding expenses
Anyone else think the wedding industry can be a little bit... extra?
From the average wedding cost ($33,000) to the costs incurred as a guest, we're breaking down why weddings are so expensive… and how we think about spending when it comes to throwing the biggest party of your life.
In this episode, we share what we personally prioritized for our own weddings, which traditions feel overrated, and how to create a meaningful celebration without giving in to industry pressure.
📌 Time Stamps:
[00:04:00] The shocking statistics: average wedding costs
[00:07:00] How much these Reddit users spent as wedding guests or members of the bridal party
[00:10:00] Our takes on overrated wedding expenses
[00:19:00] Would you rather: wedding expense edition
[00:31:00] Why the wedding industry is like this: social media pressure and "wedding tax"
[00:37:00] What actually mattered to us as brides
[00:43:00] Memorable wedding moments that weren't flashy but made a big impression
[00:46:00] Finding your own wedding values
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Transcript
Emily: Are you drowning in money questions but too embarrassed to ask? Tired of scrolling endlessly through conflicting financial advice that leaves you more confused than when you started? Welcome to the Finance Girlies podcast, your cozy corner for all things finance. I'm your host, Emily.
Cassidy: And I'm your host, Cassidy. We're both finance writers for brands like Forbes Advisor, USA Today Blueprint, and Yahoo Finance. Throughout our careers and personal lives, we have come to one realization. When we keep our money worries to ourselves, we end up feeling alone.
That's why each episode, we tackle those burning questions you've been afraid to ask with no judgment, no jargon, just real talk about real money. Ready to finally get answers? Let's dive in.
Cassidy: Welcome back to another episode of the Finance Girlies. Today we are talking about weddings and why they're [00:01:00] so expensive.
Emily: Okay, so before we dive in, I need to talk about this show I watched a couple of years ago. It was called Marriage or Mortgage. And the whole premise was that each couple on each episode has this chunk of money saved or gifted to them, whatever. And they have to decide, do we spend it on a down payment for a house or on a wedding.
And they had these two, I think they were sisters, a realtor and a wedding planner. And they were each like, competing for the couple's money trying to get them to choose their option.
Cassidy: Like Love it or List it.
Emily: Yeah, exactly. Just like that. And so when I started watching this show, I was like, obviously it seems to me to make so much more sense to use that money to buy a house, like you could walk away with a house.
But as I kept watching, my perspective started to change a little bit because like for a lot of these couples, a wedding wasn't just a party, it was more like a once-in-a-lifetime moment to share [00:02:00] with their family and friends and like a memory that they'd have forever.
And so when they talked about what the experience would feel like, I feel like it just became a much harder decision for them to make. Um, and then not to mention that I think my perspective on owning a house has changed a little bit because that is such a huge responsibility and personally, one I'm not ready for now and was even less ready for at the time that I got married.
Cassidy: For sure. Totally. And I think that show really captures the heart of this episode because whether you're spending like $5k or $50k, weddings are emotional. Especially when you start to think of like, this is my one chance to feel this really big thing and to like, have this memory with my family and my friends, and all of these things.
And those emotions can make for some very, very interesting money decisions.
Emily: Yeah, definitely. I think we should mention that this episode is the perfect companion to what will be our first ever paid [00:03:00] episode which is an episode where we dive into your anonymous wedding money stories, which are super juicy. So keep your eyes out for that episode coming out soon.
Cassidy: Yeah. We've collected some really, really good responses. But today's episode is all about zooming out and looking at the bigger picture of why weddings cost so much, which expenses we think are overrated, and what you should do with this information.
And then, quick plug. If you do want to hear the real wedding drama that we just teased, sign up for our Substack feed at the finance girlies.substack.com.
That is where we will drop that first paid episode as soon as it's ready. And if you're listening to this, it may already be ready. So if you wanna head on over there.
Emily: Cool. So let's start by setting the stage and talking about average wedding costs in 2024 and 2025. I think those are the years we pulled this data from. So to start, we looked [00:04:00] at a survey from The Knot that showed the national average cost of a wedding in 2025 was $33,000.
The most expensive pieces of a wedding are the venue, catering, photographer, and flowers. And then of course, destination weddings, designer gowns, or like multi-day events can cause that number to skyrocket for both the couple and guests.
I found one survey from Brides.com that found that an affordable destination wedding costs an average of $25,000, where a more luxury destination wedding costs twice that, at $50,000.
Cassidy: That's a huge chunk of change. But even if you're just a wedding guest, those costs are no joke either. Another survey from The Knot found that the average guest spends around $610 to attend a wedding as of 2024. [00:05:00] And that does include things like, gifts, maybe getting attire for yourself and all of those things.
But we actually came across a few really interesting Reddit threads that we wanted to mention too. So in relation to wedding guest cost one Reddit user said, “Between last year and this year, I have been invited to 16 weddings and have gone or am planning ongoing to all but one” — which already bananas —
Uh, “Four weddings are international and only one wedding is in the city that we live in. Nearly all of my PTO has gone to weddings and we've made longer trips out of some of them as well. All in, we will probably be spending at least $1,500 for each wedding. This includes flights for two people and a hotel night alone, which easily cost over $1,000.”
And then they generally give at least $150 as a cash gift. And then this person went on to say, “Our friends don't really have [00:06:00] bridal showers and we aren't in the bridal party, so we don't have those expenses.” And all already they're saying like $1,500 for each wedding, and they're going to 16 of them, November.
Emily: I just did the quick calculation. That's $22,500 over two years.
Cassidy: I could not imagine. First of all, I wouldn't know that many people getting married in such a short span of time.
Emily: Same.
Cassidy: Also like to get invited is one thing, but then to agree and be like I am financially committing to all of these is just, yeah, mind blowing.
Emily: Yeah. And I didn't even think about, like you and I both work for ourselves, so we don't have to have that PTO consideration. But for all of your PTO to go to traveling to weddings, that's also… but beyond the money, that's a huge commitment.
Cassidy: Yeah. Like you must really love these people.
Emily: Yeah.
Cassidy: Or just really love weddings or...
Emily: Yeah. Which, you know, they're [00:07:00] fun.
So in addition to just being a regular old guest, we also looked into the cost of being in a wedding. And it was hard to find a great number, but most of the sources and surveys we looked at put that cost between $1,300 and $1,900. And we also found an interesting reply to the same Reddit thread by someone who spent a lot more.
They said, “I'm in a wedding party in June. I think I'm going to end up spending $3,000 by the time it's all said and done. I won't be purchasing a gift and I'm never agreeing to do this again.”
Cassidy: I think the fact that this person is like, I'm never going to do this again, alludes to a Lending Tree survey stat that you found that says that one third of bridal party members go into debt for a friend's wedding.
And a lot of times, I think whenever you're initially agreeing to be in a bridal party, you may not, or it may not be super clear what the expenses are gonna look like for that.
[00:08:00] So especially if you love this person, you're like, sure, yeah, I'll be in your bridal shower and then lo and behold, you end up with $3,000 worth of expenses.
Emily: Mm-hmm.
Cassidy: Yeah.
Emily: Yeah. Crazy. There was another Reddit user who said, “I just entered that phase of my life, where it seems like everyone is starting to get married and have kids. We have a bunch of close friends that are tying the knot in the next year plus, and we're in the wedding party for a lot of them. Looking at our expenses we're going to be spending over $2k on each of the weddings. Every wedding so far has been black tie, and I don't expect that to change between bridesmaid dresses, formal dresses, suits and tuxes, bridal shower gifts, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and wedding gifts. It's just a lot.”
Cassidy: Yeah. Which again, points to the fact of, it's so easy to end up going into debt, even if you're just a part of a wedding party when all of these expenses are happening. It's also [00:09:00] interesting to note that like we went through the averages, but a lot of the Reddit thread posts that we found are for a couple, you know, it's like me and my partner, like, we need two flights to go to this place. Or we each, like, I need a dress and they need a tux or whatever. So, lower it a little bit per person, but still, I think they're above the average for each one.
Emily: Mm-hmm.
Cassidy: Or like right at it.
Emily: Yeah I think so.
Cassidy: Yeah. Okay. So for this next section, now that we kind of have some numbers that may be making your jaw drop, like they're making my jaw drop, we wanted to take a moment to talk about what we personally think is overrated.
And this is gonna be different for every single person. Because I think a lot of times you're hit with all of these wedding must-haves that might not actually be worth it. So if you spend money on any of these things that we're about to talk about, we are not judging you. We just wanna point out that you don't have to spend money on these things.
And then kind of [00:10:00] like how we've approached them. So the very first one on our list is matching bridal party outfits. Emily, what's your take? Do you think it's overrated or not?
Emily: Okay, so I am thinking of this one in terms of like, being on a bachelorette party weekend and everyone's wearing matching shirts or dresses or something. And personally, this idea embarrasses me. I'm not totally sure why, but personally, this probably speaks more about me. I would be embarrassed to be out in public in matching bridesmaid outfits.
I don't know why. As far as bridesmaid dresses go, that's not as cringey to me. But I personally, like as a bride, wouldn't ask anyone to wear a specific dress. I love the idea of when brides give their bridesmaids, like a color palette to work off of and then say like, go choose whatever dress you feel comfortable in.
Cassidy: Mm-hmm.
Emily: What's your take?
Cassidy: My gut reaction is to be like, I would also not want matching bridal party outfits, but I think it depends on [00:11:00] who is in my bridal party. When I think of my like, true, true besties, I'm like, yeah, I would match with them any day of the week. It would be so funny. Like, we would be having such a ball, it would not matter.
But if it was like, there are people in this group, I don't know, like if the group just kind of feels a little bit awkward and not like everyone's equally as close to each other, I'd probably be like, nah, I don't think I really want this. But yeah, I only had one person in my bridal party. It was just like a matron of honor.
And I already have the color palette and honestly, it's been so long. I, like I did find her dress and buy her dress for her, but I don't remember if I was like, hey, do you like this? I, I do remember the dress was pink and she hates the color pink. And I was like, thank you for doing this for me. But beyond that, I'm not sure, how exactly that worked. But yeah, I do love the idea of just giving a color palette and being like, pick a dress that you absolutely love.
Emily: Mm-hmm.
Cassidy: It's all good. Yeah.
Emily: I also wanna say, I think maybe part of my cringiness around matching bridal party [00:12:00] outfits is just the past two towns I've lived in, like where I currently live and where I lived before were just like hotspots for bachelorette parties.
Cassidy: Mm.
Emily: So I've just spent many an evening in town seeing like the unglamorous, sides of bachelorette parties.
And yeah, I don't know. I just, it's not for me.
Cassidy: Honestly good take. It's like if you lived in Nashville for example, I feel like that's where everyone wants to have their bachelorette party. I would probably be like, too cheesy, too cringey, can't do it. But I don't know that I've ever been just out and about and seen it be very, very obvious that this is like a bridal party out doing their thing
Emily: Come visit. You'll see.
Okay. The next expense we wanna chat about is wedding favors. And it was interesting when we first were talking about this, Cassidy, you were like, what is this concept? I'm unfamiliar with it.
Cassidy: I [00:13:00] originally mentioned to Emily that I didn't know if this was just a geographic thing. If like, people in the Midwest, for example, were more likely to give party favors because I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that had party favors. So I've never expected them. I didn't have party favors at my own wedding.
But then in planning for this, I did remember one wedding I went to where it was in the fall, and you know, fall, you think of like pumpkins and the leaves are changing colors and all of this. So you could take home like this little plush pumpkin that was like velvet on the outside that you could, I don't know, just like set somewhere in your house as home decor.
Emily: Was that like part of the wedding decor or was it like a separate, just the sole purpose was for you to take home.
Cassidy: Yeah, they were like all on a table, so as you left, you could take one if you wanted to. Yeah. So I guess that was a wedding favor. But beyond that, I feel like you already spend so much on a wedding that I would be like, I paid for your food. I gave you this fun experience. That is the favor. [00:14:00] Yeah. But what's your take? 'cause I know you've been to a lot of weddings.
Emily: Yeah, Personally, it's not something I did at my wedding. I just feel like it's an extra chore for the couple, and it often is something forgettable, and I don't mean to sound rude or ungrateful, but like, I don't know. I've seen like, a bag of mixed nuts as a party favor. Or like some other kind of little snack that isn't especially exciting or bubbles. I feel like that's a common one, like little bubbles or like a, some little trinket with like the couple’s initials on it,
Cassidy: It's like, what are you gonna do with that?
Emily: Yeah. And like, your wedding's great and I'm happy to be here, but I don't personally need like, a little commemoration from it, you know what I mean?
Cassidy: Yes.
Emily: I will say one wedding I'm remembering with a favorite that I was absolutely 100% on board with was a wedding this past summer where the couple got these like [00:15:00] giant cookies from their favorite bakery and handed them out to guests maybe an hour or two before the wedding ended so people were like on the dance floor. And by that time it had been a long time since dinner. And so that was like a wonderful favor. So delicious.
Cassidy: I also dunno about you, but like, I hate getting a gift just for getting a gift's sake, you know? And I feel like with wedding favors, they have to be generalized and a little bit generic, like something you think everyone will like, but then a lot of people don't like it enough to like actually use the thing or love it.
So I'm just like, why? Why waste the money?
Emily: Yeah. I'm sure there are very thoughtful ways to like, create a great wedding favor that doesn't cost you a ton, especially if you have a lot of time. But like for the most part, you probably have to spend a lot of money on a party favor that's anything of like value. And that's a big cost.
Like, as a guest, I wouldn't want [00:16:00] that stress on the couple to feel like they have to do that.
Cassidy: Yeah, that's such a good point. I think if I were to give a party favor of any kind, the cookie idea that you mentioned for the one wedding last year, amazing. Because I would love to be like, this is my favorite chocolate chip cookie in the entire world, and I want everyone at my wedding to experience it.
Emily: Mm-hmm. Yeah, it was genius. It was great.
Cassidy: Okay. Next thing. How do you feel about fancy linens or custom signage worth it or overrated?
Emily: Again, personally, I think these are slightly forgettable parts of a wedding. So for me, I had no opinions on either of these things. And for instance, let my mom choose the linens and let my sister-in-law do the signage, and they both did a great job and everything turned out great. It just wasn't one of those things that I felt like was worth putting a lot of thought into.
What do you think?
Cassidy: Yeah, I think even when I was planning my own wedding, my litmus test was [00:17:00] always, would I remember this about someone else's wedding if I attended it? And a lot of times you're not gonna remember the linens, you're not gonna remember the custom signage, really. I mean, unless it's just like really, really good for some reason.
So I agree with you. I think they're forgettable. We did kind of like an all inclusive wedding venue kind of thing, where it was a restaurant that also like, had this event space. So they had all the linens, they actually did the flowers for the venue too, and then they did all of the food. So it was, it was like a little bit all inclusive, you know, and they would also, like, I gave them all the decorations and they just set them up however they wanted.
I was like, really? I don't care. It's totally up to you. And then one of my roommates at the time was like, really, really good at calligraphy, so she, I like got some chalkboard signs from Goodwill and she wrote on them, but yeah.
Emily: That’s cool.
Cassidy: Mm-hmm.
Emily: I was trying to find a picture, 'cause I can't remember exactly what it said, but our venue [00:18:00] was a, a market and like upstairs is a greenhouse and that's where we got married.
But there was some like, food sign that happened to be like right next to the sign for our wedding. And it was just like, it said the funniest thing that was like, related to like, I don't know, some chicken dish or something that had nothing to do with our wedding, but it was like just sitting right next to it.
Cassidy: Mm-hmm.
Emily: I'll have to find the photo. It was so funny. The, the signs made me think of that.
Cassidy: Yeah, that is really funny.
Emily: Yeah. What do you think about elaborate cake setups? I have no idea how much these cost, but I imagine it can be quite a bit.
Cassidy: Yeah, I actually do not prefer cake. Like even for birthdays and stuff. I joke that I had graduated college and was in my first full-time job before I ever had my first actual birthday cake because everyone, like growing up in my family knows like, Cassidy doesn't really like cakes, so we'll do like cheesecake or brownies or like a cookie cake or something like that.
But my sweet sweet boss, when I [00:19:00] was an academic advisor, she would get me like, a birthday cake every year for my birthday. And I was like, you're so kind. But yeah, so we did not do an elaborate cake set up and it would not interest me purely because cake isn't my favorite. So we just had like, chocolate chip cookies instead and I felt like that was nice 'cause I love chocolate chip cookies. I think it goes back to like, what's your favorite dessert?
Emily: Right. Yeah. We did cupcakes. And it wasn't elaborate, but again, it was kind of a thing where like, I, neither of us had super strong opinions on a fancy cake. We did like, taste all the cupcake options and choose the ones that were the most delicious. We did care about that.
But as far as the setup went, we, we did not care.
Cassidy: How do you feel about a wedding having like 10 plus vendors?
Emily: I don't really know how you end up with so many, but I guess I could see, depending on the scale of the wedding, how that's something that could happen. I think like you, my [00:20:00] venue did have some things included in it. So where I wasn't having to like separately rent tables and chairs. So maybe that's how you end up with 10.
But personally we did not have nearly that many. It sounds like a lot to handle and I think maybe that's where, like, a wedding planner comes in.
Cassidy: For sure.
Emily: Did you have many vendors?
Cassidy: I think as I add them up in my head, it's really just three, like a photographer, someone to do makeup and hair, and then really like the wedding venue handled everything else in terms of like tables, linens, food, flowers, so
Emily: Wow. That's the way to do it. Okay. Last expense we have to discuss are invitations with wax seals in calligraphy.
Cassidy: Hmm. Once again, I think this is cool, but I don't really think it's necessary. And I think that stems from me thinking if I received an invitation suite with a wax sill in [00:21:00] calligraphy, would I keep it as a cherished item forever, like from this person's wedding? And I, I guess it depends on whose wedding it was, but probably not for most people.
You know, I'd be like, this is cool, and I might hang on to it for a year or two, and then eventually I'd be like, I'm decluttering. I'm not gonna save this invitation. But maybe that's also just like the minimalist in me a little bit. But what about you?
Emily: I think it's like, it sounds fun and could be a fun thing to do if you're particularly artsy and like, into that. And I also think it is fun as a guest to get like, a real invitation in the mail. But I also think it's like a hundred percent optional. We DIYed our invitations. I like painted a design and we uploaded it and like added the text and then just like printed a bunch of copies and mailed them.
Cassidy: That is so cute.
Emily: Yeah, it was kind of cute. They [00:22:00] weren't like the highest quality. We like, hand-wrote people's addresses, like it, that part was not cute, but it saved us a bunch of money and was kind of a cool personal touch.
Cassidy: But also just the fact that you painted something yourself.
Emily: Mm-hmm.
Cassidy: Cute. Okay. So let's get into some personal takes on like, what you would absolutely skip for yourself.
Emily: Yeah. If I was trying to save money I would definitely skip a fancy cake, fancy invitations, a full bar, which I know a lot of people have opinions about, but I don't think is necessary.
Cassidy: Mm-hmm.
Emily: I would skip favors. I would skip a bridal party, which I in fact did. So, bachelorette party. That too. I think those are my, my big ones.
What about you?
Cassidy: Yeah, I would say same to all of these. Yeah, I'll end it there. Same.
Emily: Okay. What about, have you ever been to a wedding where something felt just like really over the top or unnecessary?
Cassidy: [00:23:00] Yeah, so I really have not been to as many weddings as you have been to, and I feel like a lot of the weddings that I have been in, everyone has been kind of younger, you know, like in college, fresh outta college. So there's just this air of like, we need to be scrappy 'cause we don't have a lot of money to spend kind of thing.
So I really haven't been to a wedding with anything that's felt like, super extravagant or anything like that. Have you?
Emily: Hmm. I wouldn't say like, extravagant,but I can think of a few small examples. So like, I kind of mentioned this before, I personally think like a full bar feels extravagant maybe and like, over the top. Just 'cause I wouldn't choose to do it. And I know how crazy expensive it can be.
Like, fancy chairs is one that's like a weird one. But like, when you're like renting furniture, there's always like, the different tiered options and I just don't personally think anyone's ever gonna notice how the chairs look, which is [00:24:00] my personal thought. I also know there's a tradition of like, people might disagree with it, people might disagree with all of this, and that's a hundred percent okay.
But the tradition of like trading gifts between partners, like on your wedding day maybe this is because I'm not a super, super gifty person, but to me that sounds like just another big stressor, honestly, like to prepare for the wedding day when you're already preparing all these other things and you wanna be thoughtful and like, then find the time to like exchange the gifts on a really crazy day.
I don't know. To me that also feels maybe slightly over the top.
Cassidy: Yeah, like in hindsight, maybe it is cool to be like, this is the watch I got on my wedding day or something. But it could be equally as cool to be like, this is the watch I got for our one year wedding anniversary
Emily: Hmm. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. And then again, I do tend to think wedding favors can be, over the top [00:25:00] sometimes.
Cassidy: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Emily: Now we're gonna do something kind of fun where we're gonna have two options that are choices for where you could invest your money if you were to have a wedding, and you have to pick which, which one you would rather spend on. Okay?
Cassidy: All right. You want me to start off with the first one?
Emily: Yeah.
Cassidy: Okay. Would you do an open bar or a fancy cake?
Emily: Neither is my initial answer. If I had to choose, I know I would choose an open bar, but not a full bar, an open, limited bar, if that makes sense.
Cassidy: Ooh. I might do like an open mocktail bar or something. 'Cause I don't really drink, but I do like the idea of having, of everyone having a fancy drink. That feels fun. Yeah.
Emily: Okay, next one. Designer dress or designer shoes.
Cassidy: I would go dress hands down.
Emily: Me too. I feel like no one notices your shoes.
Cassidy: They don't. And I would want my shoes to be [00:26:00] super comfortable too, and I'm like…
Emily: Mm. Yeah.
Cassidy: Do comfortable shoes and designer shoes go hand in hand? In my brain, the answer’s no.
Emily: Fair.
Cassidy: Yeah. Okay. What about catering or food trucks?
Emily: I would choose catering, and I like the idea of food trucks, but honestly, I don't wanna have to make a decision, like while I'm at a wedding, like which food truck do I go to? I also don't wanna have to like, wait around outside the food truck for my food. I mean, I'm full, I'm a full supporter of like, a buffet line, but I feel like a food truck is a little different.
My sister went to a wedding recently with food trucks and she ended up just like spending half the wedding waiting for her pizza to come outta the food truck.
So while I think it probably can be done well, especially for small weddings, to me it just sounds like a hassle. Also, there's this place where I live, it's like a food truck lot.
I feel like they're pretty common in cities, but it's like a really fun place. But anytime I go there, I get like a [00:27:00] little bit of stress initially of like, which one do I pick? Like, and having to walk around and look at all the options, and then like everyone's getting their food at different times. It just feels a little hectic personally.
What do you think?
Cassidy: Okay. If you would've asked me this question and I went first, I would've been like food trucks, hands down. That sounds so fun to be able to like pick out the thing that you really wanna eat and it's hot and fresh. Not that catering wouldn't be hot and fresh, but you know, it's kind of like more made on the spot.
Emily: Mm-hmm.
Cassidy: But you have made some really valid points.
So maybe I give the caveat of food trucks, if it can be done really well and no one's waiting for their food very long, and we all kind of eat in the same reasonable timeframe. But yeah, I do see what you're saying. Like also the thought of someone spending half of their time waiting for their pizza sounds really sad.
Emily: Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna like, give us a sneak peek into our [00:28:00] paid episode because I know we actually got a response about this topic. And there was someone who said they had a really small wedding and decided on doing food trucks because of like, the size of their wedding, like everyone could order made to order meals, it was like a taco bar or something. And that worked out beautifully for this person. So I think it can be done.
Cassidy: Love that.
Emily: Yeah. Next, what do you think about a very fancy wedding video, or amazing photography?
Cassidy: I would do the amazing photography, hands down. Photography was actually one of the most important things to me for my own wedding. 'Cause I was like, you’re only gonna have the photographs and the memories after the fact. So yeah. What about you?
Emily: Same. I would choose photography. I feel like I'm much more likely to like, flip through photos than to turn on a whole video.
Cassidy: Yeah.
Would you go all out on the flowers or all out on the food?
Emily: This is tough. I would choose food, but by all out, I don't mean [00:29:00] like fancy food, I just mean, like, really good, delicious, high quality food.
Cassidy: Same. Food that makes people think, wow, this is one of the best meals I've ever had in my life.
Emily: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Printed invitations or wedding favors?
Cassidy: Hmm. If I had to go all out on one or the other, my gut instinct is to say neither. Yeah, just neither. I don't think, neither would feel very important to me.
Emily: Mm-hmm.
Cassidy: Maybe just like a modest amount on invitations.
Emily: That's where I land too.
Cassidy: Yeah. Okay. Would you rather have or pour a lot of money into an elopement and a honeymoon or a big wedding with no honeymoon?
Emily: I am gonna answer this unfairly by saying a compromise between the two. I would choose a little wedding and a little honeymoon because I would want both. If you had asked me like five years ago, I probably would've said elopement and honeymoon.
Cassidy: Mm-hmm.
Emily: But I do love having like, the memories from an actual [00:30:00] wedding with friends and family.
Cassidy: Yeah, I could see the benefit of that too. Yeah. My gut instinct is to be like elopement and honeymoon, but even if I eloped, like I would want at least my closest people there, then at that point, is it an elopement or is it a small wedding?
Emily: Yeah. A micro wedding, that's a trend.
Cassidy: Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Emily: Okay, here's an interesting one. Would you rather spend money on a welcome party or a post-wedding brunch?
Cassidy: I would maybe say a welcome party, like everyone just gets to town. Everyone's settling in, gearing up for the big day. I think having a dinner together or something sounds really fun.
Emily: Yeah, I think I agree. The welcome parties I've been to for various weddings have been a lot of fun. It's also nice to just, like, break the ice before the wedding. And a lot of people are gonna be exhausted and like leaving town I think the day after a wedding. So, I'm not sure how practical the brunch is.
I [00:31:00] will say. We did not have a welcome party, which I kind of, like, that would've been fun. That would've been a fun touch. My parents did host a post wedding brunch, which was really nice, but none of our friends could go because they were all flying outta town early that morning. So that's a consideration.
Cassidy: Alright, moving on. Let's dig into why the wedding industry is like this and kind of unpack the bigger forces at play here. Because there is a lot of pressure with social media, like everyone wants to, wants their wedding to look good. And there's also just like the rise of Pinterest and Instagram worthy weddings.
Emily: Yeah. I think if this is getting to you, you should just avoid it. There is something to be said for using Pinterest or whatever to get ideas for your wedding. Like I definitely did that, especially with flowers. And even like wedding dresses, I think. But if it's making you feel like you need to spend [00:32:00] more and more and more, I think that's probably something you should avoid.
Cassidy: Mm-hmm. I think also, if it's making you care about things that you would not care about, had you not seen all the photos and stuff, then that could be a sign to be like, I only care about this thing because I keep seeing it in a hundred Pinterest photos, and I think it looks cute. But if I just stepped back for a second, like, if I hadn't seen this photo, I wouldn't have even thought twice about it. I wouldn't have cared.
Emily: Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
Cassidy: Mm-hmm.
Emily: Another thing that I think can be a little harmful is like the framing that your wedding is your one special day. Obviously you're gonna have emotional spending surrounding your wedding, but I think that can kind of exacerbate the tendency to just wanna keep spending.
And I think one way to like, offset this pressure is to, tell yourself that this isn't your one special day and maybe you have like, a big anniversary party someday, and like you can always plan that or, renew your vows someday or something.
I can't really think of anyone who says they wouldn't change anything [00:33:00] about their wedding. Even my friends who have had like, what I felt were just beautiful and perfect weddings, like there are still things they would change. So I think, taking the pressure off of having one special day is a way to check yourself with not only the like, emotional pressure, but also the spending pressure.
Cassidy: Mm-hmm. I think there's also pressure because a lot of vendors upcharge because they can, like the wedding tax is a real thing. Like if you're telling someone I need your services for my wedding versus I need your services for this event I'm hosting, the price quote you get back from that can be two totally different things which I know can be frustrating too.
And then just like, cause your prices to skyrocket.
Emily: Yeah, totally. It's frustrating. That's like one of the reasons I didn't order like, wedding-specific invitations and we decided to like DIY them and I also like, on this note, considered non-bridal dresses when I was first [00:34:00] looking. 'Cause I like, wasn't set on having a white dress. I was open to like other colors. And so I expanded my search there because wedding dresses just can be crazy.
Cassidy: Yeah. What, what other colors were you open to?
Emily: Like anything.
Cassidy: Wow.
Emily: Yeah. I just like, didn't ever dream of any of the like, big traditional wedding things, like a dress or a cake or a first dance, all those things. So I was like, what can I change to like, make this more me?
I ended up with a white dress, I will say, but it was still very me.
Cassidy: Yeah. That's really cool.
Emily: Yeah. It made planning hard though. I will say. Something else to be aware of is that, so much of like, traditional wedding planning kind of revolves around the idea that you're gonna have, a hundred or more guests. I think that's just 'cause that is what is considered more common or [00:35:00] normal.
But it's also not, there's like no rule that you have to invite everyone to your wedding. I know that can be tricky with family dynamics and things like that, but one of the like, cutest weddings I went to was a cousin of mine who got married. She married her husband at the courthouse and then they just had a small reception at a restaurant near their hometown and it was so sweet and thoughtful.
It still felt like a wedding, like there were speeches and flowers and cake. And they were all dressed up. But it was so just like, cozy and sweet and lovely, and it was small, you know, it was just like family and close friends. So you don't need a big wedding to have a wedding.
Cassidy: Yeah, that's kind of how my wedding was. We ended up with less than 25 people and it just felt like a sweet family gathering, know? And there, there wasn't a lot of pressure to like, perform a certain way, you know, it was more just like, these are all the people we love dearly who have come together.
And [00:36:00] so it felt more special in that regard and it was a whole heck of a lot cheaper.
Emily: Mm-hmm.
Cassidy: All right, so what do we do with all of this information? Like all of these pressures kind of forcing us to think that we need to spend more money, essentially. And one of my first takes is, I think that at the end of the day, the wedding industry is designed to make you feel like bigger always equals better.
Like you have to spend a lot of money to have a meaningful day. Like you have to pour a lot of money into this thing. Like your linens need to be the best they can be and your invitations need to be the best they can be. But when you zoom out, so much of it is just marketing. And some of it too is just made up traditions that force you to think, this is the thing that I need.
And so that can be really tricky.
Emily: Yeah, and I think it's important when you're like, going through all these decisions to just pause and ask yourself, is this something I actually want or is this something I've been told I should want?
Cassidy: Mm. That is [00:37:00] such a good question. Just for literally anything in life.
Emily: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Cassidy: Yeah, that is just a good question to ask yourself, period, about everything. Because you can have a deeply special, emotional, joyful wedding without a $6,000 floral arch, for example. But if you do want that floral arch and it brings you a lot of joy, it makes you really happy, that's okay too.
I don't think the goal is to spend nothing or have like, a dirt cheap wedding, but it is to spend in alignment with your values.
Emily: It's not that you have to say no to everything, but you do get to say yes more intentionally, and I think that's a really powerful and memorable way to plan a wedding.
Cassidy: Yeah. And I think just going off of that you and I have both had weddings and I think maybe we can talk about a little bit what actually mattered to us and our opinions, like what our main focuses were when we got married. And I can start.
Emily: Okay.
Cassidy: I think the three [00:38:00] kind of most important things for me were the photography, like I said. 'Cause my mindset at the time was when this wedding goes away, the photos are gonna be the one thing that I have left. And so I want that to be really good. And then also the vibe. Like I really wanted my wedding to feel like a family get-together and not like this big orchestrated production, which did play a role in us choosing to have a smaller wedding too. 'Cause I was like, I don't want all of these people that I barely know, like kind of sitting in on this really intimate moment. I only want it to be the people that I really care about.
And then also I just absolutely love food. So I was like, the food's gotta be good. And so we got married in like the upstairs part of one of our favorite restaurants, for example.
I was like, the food's gotta be worth it. I'll say like, an honorary fourth mention is that it was really important to me to have the wedding that I wanted [00:39:00] in like, the most affordable way possible. That was really important to me. I did not want to go into debt for a wedding by any means. So a lot of this looked like, for example, the wedding venue that we booked, whenever they gave us the rate sheet, the cheapest day of the week on their rate sheet to get married was a Tuesday.
Right? Because it's like who's renting out their event space on a Tuesday? So I was like, we're having a small wedding anyway. The people who really wanna be there will take time off work to be there. It's just for a day. Everyone's in driving distance. Like, I'll get married on a Tuesday if it means saving like 50% off the venue cost of what we would spend otherwise.
That was a really easy one for me. That also led to our photographer, for example, giving us the elopement rate for the day. 'cause she's not ever really shooting weddings on a Tuesday.
So then we saved costs there. I got a lot of our decorations from Goodwill. Like I would just pop into Goodwill and if I saw something that looked super cute, I would get it.
So a [00:40:00] lot of our decorations came that way. And then also with my wedding dress, I found a dress that I absolutely loved for $1,200. I was like, I'm not about to spend $1,200 on a dress. So I found the same exact dress on Tradesy, which is kind of like a consignment place, like people resell a lot of wedding stuff there.
Found the same exact dress on Tradesy for $500. I spent maybe 50 more dollars getting it dry cleaned. So that really cut the wedding dress cost down. And then I. After I got married, I was like, I don't feel emotionally attached to this dress. I'm not the kind of person that's gonna like save this dress and try to like force it on someone else in the future or something.
So I ended up reselling it on Tradesy for like $200. So then my wedding dress ended up being like $400 instead of $1,200. So I just like, I was constantly in hack mode. I was like, how can we get what we want? But not, like, on the cheap.
Emily: Right. Wow. Nice work.[00:41:00]
Cassidy: Thank you. I'm proud of younger me. I'm like, you did it girl.
Emily: Yeah. Nice. Let's see. For me, I think what was worth spending on were like, you good food. That was very important. My only regret is not eating more of it 'cause it was real good.
Cassidy: Mm-hmm.
Emily: The venue I will say was pretty important. Like, the venue did a lot of work, so we didn't have to, if that makes sense.
It was in this beautiful greenhouse and they had all these lights strung up and it was just like, beautiful. And we didn't have to do like, a thing. We did have flowers on the tables and things like that. But as far as the like, ceremony area, it was just beautiful as is and created a really fun vibe.
Along with that, I think it was really important for me that our wedding just felt like us as a couple.
Cassidy: Mm-hmm.
Emily: So a lot of that was the venue. A lot of that was just like a few little [00:42:00] decisions we made about the flow of the night. I don't think that was anything that had to do with like, where we spent money necessarily. But the venue was a, was a big part of that.
And then also it was important to us to have an awesome honeymoon and I don't really count that as part of the wedding budget. Yeah, that was something we paid for after, but we knew we wanted to take a memorable trip and we made that happen.
So we didn't go right after our wedding, but we went like three or four months later and called it our honeymoon. So that was also somewhere we were, like, excited to spend our money.
Cassidy: Yeah, we kinda did something similar. Like we did go somewhere for, I think two nights right after our wedding, but then we had like a bigger trip maybe six months later.
Emily: Yeah. I think it's a good move.
Cassidy: So with that in mind, do you wanna share something meaningful that you've seen at a wedding that wasn't flashy, but really stood out?
Emily: Yes. I feel like these are kind of the tricks to having a memorable wedding or a wedding that feels like you, but [00:43:00] without like, spending a ton of money. So the ones that come to mind, are all from friends’ weddings.
One friend who got married last summer had, at the beginning of her reception as guests would come in like a game set up where you, at your seat, at your table, there was like a piece of paper and pencil with like a scavenger hunt kind of deal written on it.
And essentially you had to find another guest who fit each description in the scavenger hunt. So for example, find a guest who went to such and such college or something like that. And so it like, forced all the guests to mingle because both bride and groom had like really big families and friend groups. It was a large wedding and you wouldn't necessarily have met people from the other side without this game. And it was so like, so my friend who got married it just like screamed her vibe. So that was fun and memorable.
Another little thing at another friend's wedding was like a live string duo during the [00:44:00] ceremony. It was just really beautiful and like, fit the vibe for her like, outdoor backyard wedding and was really nice. At that same wedding, she and her family, like throughout the year leading up to the wedding, would like, thrift pretty plates and like dishware from various thrift stores and eventually like, collected enough for the wedding. So we all ate off like pretty floral plates. This wedding was also at my friend's parents' house and they like, converted their chicken coop into a bar, which was really fun and memorable.
Cassidy: So cool. Mm-hmm.
Emily: Yeah. And then the last thing I'll add that was super memorable. Again, at the same wedding they had contra dancing, which if you're not familiar with it, it's like social folk dancing.
So if you're familiar with square dancing, I guess it's like, similar to that, but different style. So where you're like dancing with people and there's a caller who like, calls the moves and teaches you everything beforehand. It was so much fun. My husband and I still talk about this, like, such a fun way to [00:45:00] get everyone on the dance floor and like just kind of be a little silly.
But yeah, we were dancing with like, older people, younger people, like everyone was out and it was so fun.
Cassidy: That sounds so adorable.
Emily: Yeah. And it was just a friend who like, led the whole contra dancing session, so it wasn't like something they paid extra for or anything.
Super cute.
Cassidy: Yeah.
As I mentioned earlier, I have not been to nearly the amount of weddings that you have been to, but one thing that always stands out to me is just when a wedding is gonna have food that I know I'm gonna love. And this is so subjective for everyone, right? Like they can pick their favorite food and it could be something that I don't like to eat, so you gotta take it with a grain of salt, but. I do know, like if I know what food we're gonna have, and it's for example, like the bride and grooms or whoever's absolute favorite restaurant and they're like catering the wedding or something, I'm like, I can't wait to eat the food that these people love and I'm gonna love it [00:46:00] too.
Emily: Mm-hmm.
Cassidy: It just makes it that much more fun.
Emily: I agree. My sister's getting married this summer and they're having, instead of cake, they're having this like local ice cream that they love and is, it is amazing. I'll, I will admit it. So I'm very excited for that.
Cassidy: Mmm-hmm. That sounds phenomenal.
Emily: Mm-hmm.
Cassidy: Yes. So, just to wrap up this episode, weddings can be joyful and beautiful, but they can also be financially intense.
Emily: Yeah. And we're not saying don't have one, we both have had weddings. Um, but just that you don't have to follow the industry's rulebook on how much you have to spend and what you have to spend on.
Cassidy: I really do feel like the key is just to like, turn inward and be like, what? Like you said, what makes this wedding feel like us and what do we value and what do we care about the most? And what can we let go of if we don't value it or care about it?
But if you do want to [00:47:00] hear what our listeners have gone through in terms of destination weddings, the family fights over who pays for what, whatever, subscribe to our Substack at the finance girlies.substack.com to be the first to know when our paid episode drops with all the wedding gossip.
Emily: And one more plug I'll throw in.
We're also working on a series of scripts that you can use for having tricky wedding conversations with your partner, your family, your friends. So for instance, if someone asks you to be in their bridal party and you know that saying yes means paying for a $2,000 bachelorette, and that's just not in the cards for you, we are creating a resource for you to have that tough conversation in an easy way. So.
Cassidy: The scripts we've come up with so far are so, so good. I'm like instantly if I was in a wedding party and I needed to say, no, this is verbatim what I would say. It's so kind. Yet so firm and loving like it, [00:48:00] it's all the things. So. Great plug.
Emily: We’re super excited about this.
Cassidy: Mm-hmm.
Emily: Yeah. So stay tuned for that and we'll see you next week.
Cassidy: Bye. Bye.
