Claire Wasserman on trusting yourself, asking for more, and letting go of shame
If you’ve ever known — logically — that your worth isn’t defined by your paycheck, but still felt like your income says everything about you… this episode is for you.
In this conversation, we sat down with Claire Wasserman, career coach, writer, and founder of Ladies Get Paid. What unfolded felt like part therapy session, part money masterclass, and part permission slip to trust yourself again.
We talked about untangling self-worth from net worth, why confidence can’t be purely intellectual, how shame thrives in silence (especially around money), and what it actually looks like to expand your worth from the inside out. We get into what’s really going on beneath struggling to ask for more, getting stuck in your inner critic, and the frustrating gap between “knowing better” and actually feeling better.
Episode timestamps
[00:02:00] Why self-worth vs. net worth can’t be solved intellectually
[00:03:00] The “downward arrow” exercise to uncover core money beliefs
[00:06:00] The “joy antidote”: taking action to counter anxiety and self-doubt
[00:08:00] Patterns Claire sees in how women hold themselves back with money
[00:15:00] Why asking for more money builds self-advocacy (not just income)
[00:22:00] How to frame raises and rate increases around business value
[00:28:00] Shame, food stamps, and why transparency matters
[00:38:00] Resilience, reinvention, and expanding your window of tolerance
[00:40:00] Expanding your worth “inside and out” through practice
[00:45:00] Rewiring the inner critic: “I’ll earn more when…”
Why knowing better isn’t enough
One of the biggest themes in this episode is that self-worth work can’t live only in your head.
Claire explains that we all have multiple “parts” — the rational part, the emotional part, the inner critic, the self-compassionate part — and real change happens when those parts learn to collaborate instead of compete. You can tell yourself all day that your worth isn’t tied to your income, but until your body believes it, that story won’t stick.
That’s why Claire emphasizes getting out of your head and into your body. Confidence isn’t just a thought, it’s a felt experience. For some people, it feels like groundedness. For others, it feels like expansiveness or calm. The work is noticing how confidence shows up in your body and helping your nervous system feel safe enough to believe a new story.
One practical tool she shares is a version of the “downward arrow” exercise from cognitive behavioral therapy. You start with a belief like, “my worth is tied to how much I make.” Then, you repeatedly ask why it feels true. After a few layers, you often uncover a core belief that doesn’t actually belong to you. Sometimes just realizing whose voice it is can soften its grip.
The “joy antidote” (and why action matters)
Insight alone isn’t enough. Claire is clear about this: awareness without action doesn’t rewire anything.
That’s where her concept of the joy antidote comes in. Instead of focusing only on negative thoughts or fears, she encourages finding small, tangible actions that create the opposite feeling. If you’re anxious, what action creates groundedness? If you feel unworthy, what action creates connection?
Importantly, the action itself matters, not the outcome. Texting a friend isn’t about waiting for a reply. The act of reaching out is already a form of connection. Your job is to notice how that feels in your body and let that sensation count as evidence.
Over time, these actions build a body of proof: not that the fear disappears, but that you’re capable of moving forward with it.
The patterns that hold women back financially
Claire has coached women everywhere from NASA to Harvard Business School, and she sees two major patterns show up again and again.
First, many women internalize systemic problems as personal failures. Not getting promoted? There must be something wrong with me. Over time, recognizing that these issues are structural, not individual, can be healing. It helps the nervous system relax enough to think clearly and advocate strategically.
Second, even when women have the résumé, metrics, and experience, they often struggle to own their accomplishments. There’s a hesitation to say “I’m excellent” without immediately qualifying it. The focus zooms in on imperfections instead of the full picture.
Claire reframes this by encouraging specificity. If you define what “being qualified” actually means — and notice where you already meet that definition — you may realize you’ve been disqualifying yourself unnecessarily.
Asking for more money is a practice, not a personality trait
One of the most powerful reframes in the episode is that asking for more money isn’t just about the paycheck — it’s about building the muscle of self-advocacy.
Every time you advocate for yourself, in any area of life, you’re practicing courage. That practice carries over. Ask for a raise, and you may find it easier to speak up in your relationship, set boundaries, or make decisions that align with your values.
Claire also reminds us that today’s “big ask” will likely feel small years from now. The point isn’t to get it perfect. It’s to practice while the stakes are manageable.
For those terrified to ask for more, especially freelancers, she offers a grounding reframe: it’s not about what you deserve. It’s about how your work benefits the business. When you can clearly connect your work to outcomes the other person cares about, the ask feels less personal and more collaborative.
And if your value feels “too abstract” to explain (especially early in your career), Claire suggests doing more information gathering: research competitors, benchmark what the market pays, and use that landscape to connect your work to business outcomes — sometimes indirectly, by painting the fuller picture of how your work supports growth.
Shame, silence, and talking about the “uncomfortable” money stuff
One of the most moving parts of the conversation was Claire sharing openly about being on food stamps after a series of life-altering events.
She talks candidly about the shame that didn’t magically disappear and how sharing her story publicly helped minimize that shame (even if it didn’t erase it completely). The shift came from reframing: if telling the truth helps others feel less alone, that impact can outweigh the discomfort.
Claire reminds us that shame often isn’t a personal flaw — it’s something the system teaches us. When we name that, we can begin to question whose voice we’re actually hearing and whether we want to believe it.
Expanding your worth from the inside out
Claire describes expanding worth as a practice, not a mindset breakthrough. Real change comes from consistent, embodied work — thinking different thoughts, noticing sensations in your body, and taking small actions that reinforce clarity over self-criticism.
She also calls out one of the most common inner-critic scripts she sees in high achievers:
“I’ll earn more when…” (when I get the job, when I get the raise, when I hit the next milestone.)
Her reframe is gentle but real: if your peace is always waiting on something outside of you, you’re signing up to feel ungrounded for months (or years). Instead, ask: What feeling am I actually chasing, and what small action can I take today to support that feeling? Safety, security, balance, confidence — those are experiences you can begin practicing now, even as you work toward the bigger goal.
TL;DR
You can’t untangle self-worth from money using logic alone. Your body has to believe it too.
Small, consistent actions (“joy antidotes”) help rewire anxiety and self-doubt.
Asking for more money builds self-advocacy, not just income.
Shame thrives in silence. Sharing selectively can reduce its power.
Expanding your worth is a practice built through consistency.
Want more from Claire?
Coachmeclaire.com (site for coaching + updates)
Thepracticecards.com (daily 10-min practice tool)
Work in Progress (Claire’s Substack)
Instagram: @clairegetspaid and @ladiesgetpaid
This content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as personalized financial, tax, or legal advice.
