Letting Go of Money Shame: Rebuilding Finances at 40 with Neurodivergent Coach Laura Shepherd
Laura Shepherd's financial story didn't start at 22 with her first job or even at 30 with a promotion. It started in her 40s, when she opened her first bank account in her own name.
For nearly 20 years, Laura lived in a financially controlling relationship where her ex handled all the money while she raised the kids. She'd internalized the story that she was "bad at math," and therefore, “bad at money.”
After splitting with her ex, Laura had to figure out how to earn and manage money for the first time – in her forties. And with a neurodivergent brain, the classic budgeting frameworks just didn’t work.
This conversation dives deep into the intersection of neurodivergence and money management. Laura shares her $30 impulse budget strategy, how she thrives on simplicity, and how curiosity beats criticism every time. Her story is proof that it's never too late to rewrite your financial narrative — you just need to start a new page.
Episode Timestamps:
[02:00] Laura's journey from having no bank account in her own name to rebuilding financial independence after divorce
[06:00] The moment Laura realized she could make money — and it wasn't as hard as she thought
[08:00] Why neurodivergent women aren't lazy — they're overloaded
[10:00] The neurodivergent experience with impulse spending and why shame spirals hit differently
[16:00] Laura's $30 impulse budget and the questions that stop shame spirals
[21:00] Why budgeting apps weren't built for neurodivergent brains
[23:00] Moving from avoidance to curiosity (and why fear was Laura's catalyst)
[27:00] Why "you haven't messed up too much" — you've just been adapting
[30:00] The power of naming your accounts to make money feel less like an enemy
[22:00] Laura's Friday money ritual and keeping things simple
[33:00] Laura's recent money wins
Connect with Laura:
Substack: Wild Minds at Mudhollow
Website: laurashepherdcopy.com
Instagram: @wildminds.adhd
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Transcript
Cassidy: [00:00:00] Welcome back to another episode of the Finance Girlies. Today's guest is Laura Shepherd, an email copywriter, neurodivergent coach, and former educator living on a small farm in Texas.
Laura helps small businesses write words that connect, and she also runs Wild Minds at Mudhollow, a resource for neurodivergent thinkers learning to live, work, and create in ways that actually make sense for their brains.
Emily: After navigating a financially controlling relationship for nearly 20 years, Laura began rebuilding her relationship with money and herself in her forties. She's here to share what she's learned as a neurodivergent woman letting go of shame and building grounded, sustainable systems for life and business.
Her story is honest, relatable, and so full of hard-won wisdom, and we are thrilled to have her with us today.
Cassidy: Laura, your story is so powerful. Can you start by painting a picture for us of what your financial situation looked like at age 40 after navigating this relationship and how it's kind of changed and shifted since then?
Laura: Yeah. Well, thanks for having me. At 39, I didn't have a bank account in my own name. My then-husband handled the finances and did the taxes. I raised the [00:02:00] kids. That's how the balance of power was in our relationship. But I didn't like the powerlessness. I felt that when I was at the grocery store with three kids and the cart loaded full of groceries and my credit card would decline the payment for some reason, I had no power, no power to call.
And when I did call, I was so surprised that they wouldn't even talk to me. My name was on the card. But I wasn't the man and I wasn't the original cardholder. And I bought that lie that I wasn't in charge, hook, line, and sinker. It was my normal.
So it started with, kind of a story that I've told myself and I've heard echoed by my parents, just that I was bad at math. I had no common sense. I was easily distracted, and it became kind of my identity. And I told myself for years, I was bad at math, even to the point that I wasn't good with money. And it started even before college because, I mean, I was, didn't have any experience with money. I even remember like, cheating on my three times tables in, um, third grade. It's the only time I've ever cheated on something in my life. And [00:03:00] I thought I committed a federal crime, and that lie from three times nine not being equal to 27 in my brain, that one time, took me on this whole, I'm not good at math thought, and I even went on into college and didn't go into any kind of math classes in college, I was very frightened of them.
But then when I went into education, I kind of found, kind of what I thought was important, because I didn't want math to be a hindrance to any students that I had because I had seen what had happened in the past with me. And I got an A on my very first class in my, in my education class.
And it was like, math finally clicked, but I was 20 years old at that point. I was 20. And, it was enough confidence to give me confidence to be able to teach my own kids later. And just, just enough to be like, okay, if I know that my brain can do math this way, then maybe my own kids can do it.
And it gave me enough confidence, maybe a little bit of, bold audacity to just take a different step into independence.
So my very first step towards independence was [00:04:00] opening a checking account in my own name, after my divorce, setting up a Venmo, and it was quiet and it was a small win, but it felt really real.
Cassidy: I just wanna go back and hug that younger version of you who was told that like, she wasn't good at math, and she couldn't handle her finances and this just wasn't gonna be anything she was ever gonna be able to do.
Emily: And I think so many people relate to that and will relate to other parts of your story too, but it's crazy how that narrative is like, still pervasive in our culture, and…
Cassidy: Hmm.
Emily: Yeah, that's why we do this podcast.
Laura: Yeah, I think it's. As women, I think we, it's, it's another level of, of like, incompetence that was layered on top of it that just gave me so much shame. And when I, shame and money together with a neurodivergent brain was just like, it was just a bad, it was a bad mixture. But it's been interesting to come and kind of re, recover it after, you know, learning all I have.
Cassidy: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So some of those first steps you took were opening up your own checking [00:05:00] account, setting up that Venmo. Is there anything else that you remember kind of toward those first few steps of feeling more financially independent that you took?
Laura: I think probably taking the copywriting course was a pretty, um, pretty big step because I went to school to be a teacher. Like that's what, that's what I was gonna do. Then I ended up, you know, right out of college, getting married and you know, had babies very fast and didn't work outside of the home for my entire, you know, 20 years of, of raising children.
And, it kind of gave me this like, little box, of like, this is what I know and then I couldn't break out of it. But once I was able to crack that and see that there was actually a step to finally get some financial independence, That was the seal that was just it, uncorked. And I was like, oh, I can make money. It's not that hard. I mean, it's as hard as you make it. Really, that's always the case.
Cassidy: Yeah. Okay. So for anyone listening who doesn't know, Emily and I are both finance copywriters and [00:06:00] we became finance copywriters because we bought the same course that kind of shows you how to be a copywriter and run your own business. That's how Emily and I connected.
Laura is also a part of this copywriting group, and I think Emily and I can relate to like, buying that course being a pivotal moment for us too, because, up until that point our stories are different than yours. We were both earning very low incomes in more like, salaried W-2 positions, and I know in my experience I was like, I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to increase my salary.
And then through copywriting I realized, oh, it is, to your point, Laura, easier to make money than you might think, even though a lot of hard work still goes into it, but it just kind of was this huge mindset shift, like becoming your own business owner and starting copywriting, so.
Laura: Yeah ‘cause you were, you were locked into that with the, nine to five kind of thing. I was locked into, you know, raising my kids. And even as a, education major, I, you know, knew I wasn't gonna ever make a [00:07:00] lot of money as a teacher. And that was almost glorified in a way, to not make a lot of money and to be a teacher.
And, it doesn't have to be like that. And of course I believe that, you know, fair pay is important and I don't think that education gets the, the pay that it needs, but, um, that absolutely is important.
Emily: Totally. So going back to something you mentioned a little earlier, you've said that for neurodivergent women, money isn't just about numbers, it's about unlearning, shame and overwhelm. So what are some common financial struggles that you see in the neurodivergent community that may go misunderstood or even overlooked?
Laura: Yeah. I think that the main lie that a lot of neurodivergents have bought is that they're lazy. And that's what we have heard. I mean, if you looked back at their conduct grades from, you know, grade school and elementary schools, like, they were lazy. They were, no one, didn't apply themselves.
It's not really true. A lot of times with neurodivergents, I'm seeing more that they are overloaded. They're not lazy. And the budgeting systems of today [00:08:00] are, I mean, I think we're getting to the point where I'm seeing some budgeting apps and things like that, that are kind of moving the margin and the line more towards approachable money for everyone.
But budgeting systems weren't built, spreadsheets were not built for my brain. I don't think in the spreadsheet. I actually, had my ex was an engineer, and he was a spreadsheet man. And I had, like, that was the way that I learned life, as an adult and it never made sense to me. And I now know that's, there was a reason why. It wasn't because of me, and it wasn't because of him. It was just, we both had different brains that thought totally different about money.
And I see people avoiding their bank apps. Because they just don't wanna look at it. The avoidance is an issue. The executive dysfunction portion of it, just the not knowing what to do first, instead of, because say you have a list of like 10 things you need to get done, and if you have a list of 10 things that you need to get done, executive function says do for number one first and number five, the fifth.
With a neurodivergent brain, you're not necessarily [00:09:00] gonna see that. You're gonna say, oh, I really like number two. That one sounds like it's gonna be fun. Number 10 sounds great. Number one, I really don't wanna get done. There's a backup and you get that overload and then at that point you add shame on top of it. And instead of it being the compounding effects such as, you know, like Atomic Habits type of compounding good habits, you get the compounding bad shifts of shame. I'm lazy and then I can't look at my bank app. I can't do this. And it just is a problem.
Um, and I just see a lot of, struggle with, people that I've talked to in the neurodivergent community, they just, they really struggle with that. And impulse, control too. That would be the other thing. I don't personally struggle as much with the impulse portion, as much, but I mean, everybody does to a certain extent.
But I do see that and, and the FOMO, the other thing, the fear of missing out. Everybody, they wanna join everything. They wanna be everywhere. And that's not necessarily always the best use of their time. Those are my, my big ones.
Cassidy: One of our favorite things that you've said is that neurodivergent women don't just have buyer's remorse. They have existential dread over that [00:10:00] $27 impulse buy at 2:00 AM. How do you personally navigate impulse spending for yourself, or how have you seen other neurodivergent people navigate it without the shame spiral. Or like, once they see that shame spiral starting, like how do they get themselves out of it?
Laura: How, yeah, how do they step out of it? Because that's the thing, and it is such a spiral, and I almost envision it as like a spiral, almost like a screw that goes downwards. And so like, that spiral gets them into this like, narrow place where they can't even see the light of day because they're so ashamed of it.
Um, for me, the impulse spending and shame spirals that I've struggled with have been more like the little Amazon purchases. It's never been like, oh, I'm gonna spend $8,000 on a new gadget. That's not an issue for me. But do I want a $10 book? Absolutely. And a $10 book is important. If you have ten, $10 books in a month, that's a hundred dollars that you've just blown on books.
Have you read them all? No. You just thought they were beautiful, pretty, whatever it [00:11:00] was that caught your attention. So I give myself an, a monthly impulse budget. And it's not a whole lot because you really don't need a whole lot 'cause it's impulse. It's like the fun money. So what I did was, it's $30 for me, and it's not a whole lot, but it does help and it's mine to spend however I want without shame and whether I wanna buy stickers for a planner that I'm never gonna use because I thought the planner was great, but the stickers might truly be the thing that makes the planner work.
I can tell you right now, this planner right here is not worth it, but I am looking at the stickers that I bought for it, thinking that was gonna help, and then the tabs or whatever it was. Or it's, maybe it's a journal. 'Cause I love journals, I love blank books. I love all those things. Um, it's sometimes even a children's book.
It can be something so silly. But what I do is I give myself the $30 and that is all I get for the month. And I mean, if I find something that I really love and I have the budget, obviously it's not a rigid hard rule where I would never let myself either not spend the money or spend it too much.
It's just a way for me to say, okay, was I [00:12:00] really wanting to do it? Was I not? So when I am impulse browsing even on Amazon, I pause and I'm like, what is this actually trying to fix? is it gonna help me fix what I'm doing? Is it gonna help get me out of the situation I'm in? Is it gonna help chase the dopamine?
Am I bored? Do I need more control? Whatever it was. Sometimes it's, I really just wanna read this book and so I buy the book. Sometimes it's yeah, I really just wanted to be controlling on my own self, and I feel like this sticker's gonna make me a better business owner. And it's not, there's never one little key that's gonna do that.
So being curious about it instead of burying it and spiraling down into that spiral of shame that's where the key is. And that's where I tend to counsel my clients, is just, a limit is important. And then enjoy it.
Emily: I love the question, what problem is this going to fix? And sometimes the answer is nothing. But I love the thought of pausing and asking that question.
Cassidy: I was gonna ask, do you have like, an impulse category in your budget in addition to fund money? Or do you kind of treat it as one in the same category?
Laura: I treat it separately. And the reason I treat it separately is because fun money is important for my brain health, like going on a date with my partner, that's important. Or you know, whatever we decided to do. This year we decided to build a porch on the front of our house. And that was a bigger purchase, but it was something that we really wanted to do.
And so, thinking about it beforehand and making sure that we did the right thing, made that more of a fun money that was more like our vacation fund. Like instead of going on a trip this year, we decided to build a porch. 'Cause we were like, we really love our home and we wanna stay here as much as we can and we have animals, all of the things.
And so [00:14:00] that was our big purchase for this year. And so that's different than the impulse because the impulse is something, I don't even have to run it by my partner, not that I need to run it by her for control reasons, but just in general for, you know, just partnership. Like you wanna talk through things with, person you're with and you love.
And so it's very different than the other relationship I was in and where it was very much a shameful, you know, why did you spend this money, all of that. And it was very hard.
Emily: I hear this is how I'm understanding it, like fun money is like, fun things I'm planning to do. Like, you're not just gonna impulse build a porch, but impulse is like literally, oh my gosh, this thing right now, I'm, I'm gonna buy it.
Laura: Oh my goodness. This book, do I have this book? No, I don't have it on my shelf. Do I have it in my Kindle? No. Then I'm gonna write it down in my Apple notes on my phone, so I know this month in August, I spent $10 already or whatever, so that then I'm like, oh, I've used already $15 of my fun money, and it's the second day of August. I need to slow my roll. That's not necessarily a good thing, but it might be that I needed that to solve [00:15:00] something to fix my whole month. And that's been the book that has helped me, you know, get through maybe it's a fiction book even, that is still important. So that's the difference, I guess.
Emily: I love that tip of having a separate impulse category. That might be something I try to do someday. It's good.
So you've mentioned building a checklist system to help you pause before purchases, can you share what that checklist looks like and how it helps you make more values aligned spending choices?
Laura: It's not like I have a written down, like this is what I do from point A to point B, but when I thought about it it's not really like I, I named it a technique or anything, but it's kind of like, hold up. Are you really sure? Like, that's kind of like what I hear in my head. It's like, are you really sure? And so my questions are normally, am I avoiding something else right now? Is that the reason that I'm spending the money? Is it 'cause I want to avoid something else? Um. Will I still care about it in a week or will I forget that I even ordered it? Or, you know, subscribed to it. Well, if I'm gonna forget it in a week, then it didn't matter in the first place. And then, also the third question is usually, does this match something that I already said [00:16:00] mattered this month? It's not like I go through all three of those questions every time.
Sometimes the book is sort of, it's a whatever, just using a book as an example. I just wanna get it, but sometimes I, I actually will sit and think through those things and that five second pause sometimes has saved me a lot of regret. And a lot of times I'll put something in a cart. Honestly, one of the best things to do is to put things in a cart, sometimes they'll give you a discount.
I mean, you never know when something's in a cart and they've got a great abandoned cart sequence and you're like, oh, now I have 20% off. I really need it now. Clearly this is not an impulse. Now this has become fun.
So you know, there's always, there's, they're gray lines at times, but I think with neurodivergence, you have to have some gray lines because if not, you're gonna bang your head against the wall all the time and, and you're gonna shame yourself into inaction and you're not gonna do a thing ever.
Cassidy: Hearing you talk about this whole process of like beginning to be curious about why you're wanting to make all of these little impulse purchases that never even crossed your mind to make before you went to checkout.
It reminds me so much of Cassidy from [00:17:00] like, maybe 10 years ago. Um, 'cause for me, like when I was in college, I just used to walk the aisles of TJ Maxx or wherever and then, yeah. And then one day I was like, why are you doing, like you're, you walk into the store, you spend 20 to $30 and you don't even use the stuff, or like you don't even like it, or you use it once and then you're over it.
I'm like, so I just got sick of having all of this stuff at my house that I like, wasn't using or didn't truly love. And one of the best like, questions that I started asking myself and I still ask myself this question to this day is, if I go to buy this thing, will I be excited to use it immediately?
Will I want to read this book the second it comes in the mail because I'm so excited about it? Will I want to wear this shirt the very next day after I receive it because I love it so much? Will I wanna use this kitchen gadget immediately because it's gonna like, fill this space, like this void that [00:18:00] I, I've been needing like a, I don't know, whatever it is, a microplane or whatever.
But just asking myself those questions. And then if the answer is no, like I envision myself bringing it home and putting it in a drawer or sticking it on a shelf or whatever, I'm like, oh, okay, Cassidy, like, you don't actually want this thing, I don't think.
Laura: Isn't that the truth? It is so true. I kind of did, I did that, with my own kids even when they were younger. You know, we didn't have a whole lot of extra collateral to just spend on toys and things like that. So I try to avoid those, you know, the toy aisles with the kids and things like that.
But at times we would go down 'em and I'd be like, I'd let the kids look and, and we'd add things to a list. And that even for my kids, seemed like a really good way for them to be like, oh. I don't really need that right now. And sometimes they'd be like, that's exactly what I want for my birthday. And I'm like, perfect. Let's write that down. And if you still want it, we'll go back and visit it and see if you still want it when it gets to be closer to your birthday. 'Cause you know, your minds can change. And I think allowing kids’ and adults’ minds to change and being okay with us being allowed to change our minds is, is just life [00:19:00] giving to everyone.
It certainly gives, um, that stuff that we buy at TJ Maxx just is, it lives in our house and in a neurodivergent’s house it becomes clutter, and visual clutter is bad. And we need a certain amount of it around just to make our brains happy and see enough things for dopamine, hence the yarn wall in my background.
But I moved three times in the last couple of years and I was moving it, and I just was tired of moving stuff that I purchased, and I think everybody gets to an adult stage where they're like this, I just don't have room or care for extra stuff to dust and to move around.
So that's been helpful.
Emily: I'm currently with my husband in the biggest apartment we've rented together. It's not, it's not huge, but it's, you know, bigger than, we were in a one bedroom before. And I, I do see us moving in the next couple of years and I'm, I'm just like keeping that in the back of my mind. I try to like, declutter every couple of months knowing that things just pile up no matter how good your [00:20:00] intentions are.
And so that is motivation for me. 'Cause moving is a pain no matter what.
Laura: It is. Even if you're way up in Michigan, and it's not so hot. It's still miserable and nobody wants that. Nobody, no, thanks.
Cassidy: Budgeting apps often feel like they're not made with neurodivergent people in mind. What has worked for you when it comes to managing money in a way that supports your brain?
Laura: Simplicity. It has to be simple. With a neurodivergent brain, we love the bells and whistles and the colors, but it gets overwhelming at times, and then we can't seem to get to the fact of actually budgeting. You're just doing the decorative stuff, just the fancy procrastination type of, of stuff that you're doing, and that's not so helpful.
So I tend to use a paper planner with one sheet, and actually, I have now, owning a business and stuff, you know, it's on my phone, but I have a spreadsheet that is very simple, that I actually purchased from a neurodivergent business planner and financial advisor and I just connected with her one day [00:21:00] and bought this, Google Sheet and it like lifted the lid 'cause it was so simple and it was like somebody else with my same brain was like, oh, here. This is how you should budget for your business. This is how you should record things. And it was such a quick win for me, but it was such a quick win for her as well. and I was super thankful for it, and I just keep my receipts. That's really it. I don't use sticky notes unless they're stuck to my computer because I will lose them. Things get in the way. So. Just keeping a rhythm and keeping, um, my Friday routine down where I, every, every Friday I sit down and I just look at like what I've done financially and with my business and all of those things, and it's kind of part of my built-in ritual and go, okay, that's not what I wanna do anymore. That didn't work this week, or this didn't work last month. And just learning honestly. And it's just, I've become my own case study, which is I think how everybody should approach, business until they, and money, until they figure out what works for them.
Cassidy: I mean, it seems like being curious about how your brain is gonna respond to certain things is kind of this in a [00:22:00] nutshell. 'Cause I think you also mentioned earlier about like, if you make an impulse purchase, you may jot it down in like, the notes app on your phone that you've spent $15 already.
And then, do you just have how much you've budgeted for that category in your brain? So then you can just be like, well this is how much I have left.
Laura: Yeah, I don't have a lot of extra overhead expenses, so basically that's, that's what I do is just keep it very, very simple and, keeping bills in one place, all of those little things help a lot.
Emily: I think you mentioned this when we asked an earlier question, but you mentioned like, the tendency to avoid opening bills and like, look at your bank account, which I know is something a ton of people can relate to. What helped you or people, you know, work with, like, what helps move from avoidance to just becoming more curious and calm when it comes to those things?
Laura: For me personally, the catalyst was fear, and that's not really what I would say is a good catalyst. It's really kind of like, the worst one you would ever want, but it really [00:23:00] does cause a lot of action to happen. So I was very frightened that I was gonna be spending a lot of extra money on like, interest on my credit card, things like that. Like if I didn't pay attention to those kind of things, then those things would pile up and that's a lot of money. And when you start thinking about it that way and you add up how much interest you could be spending on and you're not even paying the credit card bill at that point, that just didn't make sense to me.
So, ignorance wasn't really something that I was allowing myself because I was in a spot where I had to pay attention. Um, and you know, I was at 40 years old. I needed to make sure that things were gonna be okay for the rest of my life, take care of the kids, you know, all the things, and it just didn't, fear was the catalyst. But I would say, if I were to counsel somebody else in that, I would say, don't be scared, be curious, because that's where I've moved and the shift from scared, there's really not a whole big shift from fear to curious. You just have to ask the right question and figure out that you can't be scared of it. If you're going to [00:24:00] continue, working with life. I mean, it's just not gonna work.
Being mean to your brain doesn't really help anything. It really actually works in the opposite, just like it would for any kid. If you're ugly to something, they're going to react the same way. So why do we do it to our own brains? But we do, and we shame our own selves and we treat ourselves in ways that we would just not allow anybody we love to be treated like.
So it just doesn't, it doesn't make sense when you actually sit back and think about it. But in the, in the moment, of course, you know, fear was my catalyst that made me think, check your bank account.
Emily: Yeah.
Cassidy: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like, um, I'm experiencing that a little bit now and I'm, I'm, maybe it was similar for you too. I'm also going through a big life transition where, I just got divorced. I just moved. So I've been budgeting and doing all the things that I'm also figuring out how to do that with a completely new budget in a completely new city on one income, all of these things.
And too, just when you're like, starting your new life, no matter how frugal and [00:25:00] scrappy you try to be, you like, you have to spend money. Like, you're moving into a new place. Maybe one of you kept all the kitchen stuff and you need everything new for your kitchen. So in, yeah, so in my case, I feel like my fear of overspending or like spending more than I think that I am is keeping me like, I'm paying extra close attention to my budget because I feel like everything is new and I'm spending more than I want to be spending, even if it's okay and necessary. But yeah, that fear will make you be like, we've gotta do this even if you want to avoid it, because you kind of have no choice.
Laura: Absolutely. And I think that's a big, you know, health is the same way. Any kind of fear of, of those kind of things. You just, if you don't have action, then you are your own worst enemy, and there's no reason for it. Like, be nice to your own brain because there's no, no, no reason for you to be ugly to your own self.
But that's me knowing that now. I wish that I could tell myself that even 10 years ago, five years ago, you know?
Cassidy: Yeah. [00:26:00] Sometimes when I feel like I'm being mean to myself, because it is true, we are like, our own worst critics about literally everything. I try to just think of like, the 8-year-old version of me and like, what I would tell her if she did this thing, and most of the time you would be like, oh, it's okay. Like you're, you're gonna figure it out. Like it's all good.
And so I just try to speak to like, that. It's, I don't know, but it's almost like you're seeing yourself as someone else and you're like, what would I say to a friend if they came to me and, and did this or whoever, and then that helps me be nicer to myself.
Laura: Yes. And it really should. That's, that's important. You’re stuck with yourself, so that's why. There's nobody but you.
Cassidy: That's true. Okay. I think this question is gonna relate to everything we've just been talking about. For a listener who is neurodivergent and feels like, I've already messed up so much with money, what's the point? What would you say to them?
Laura: Oh, there is no way that [00:27:00] anybody has messed up that much. Like, that, I would say, I would look at somebody and I would literally hold their hand and say, you haven't messed up. You've adapted and you're still adapting, and you're gonna learn through these adapt adaptations, not adaptions.
Um, you're gonna learn what you're gonna do and you have to make decisions based on what you have access to at the time, whether it's your energy, your safety, your health, your understanding of money, or whatever the subject may be. And that's not a failure. I think that's more survival. Um, so even, I would say, you know, you haven't messed up too much.
You need to just start where you are. Just like we would say to any, you know, you tell, people with dementia, you know, you meet the family. I'm thinking of my grandmother, she passed away from dementia recently and you meet her where she was, is what we would do. And if she was 16, let's talk about when you were 16.
So the same thing happens with anybody who says they've messed up too much with money. Meet yourself where you are. You aren't too much and you [00:28:00] haven't done too much. Start with something small. One action that can change it, even if it's canceling Netflix. Or turning it off for a couple of months or whatever you decide is your one thing, canceling auto renewal. Move $5 into your impulse fund and have $5 as your impulse fund. And if you need to spend four months to get the $20 to actually buy something that's impulsive and have that, you still have that. And if you put it in the right account, you might have even made a, you know, not very much on, you know, $20. But investments are important as well, you know. You don't have to rewrite your whole money life to redo your story, you just have to start a new page. And that's the thing. And that's something that I think with, you know, divorce or anything, you're not closing a book.
You're just turning the page to do a, something different and choosing to align yourself in a way that, that fits your life better. And I think that that can be applied to money and to every, everything in life. Because you just don't have to redo the whole thing.
Emily: Yeah, this reminds me of, something our mentor, Sarah, has said a lot in the past, and I think maybe she got it from [00:29:00] a book, but that story about like how, like a space shuttle is only on course 3% of the time, and it's off course 97% of the time, but it's just constantly course-correcting to get where it needs to go.
Laura: Yes. My life is one big course correct. And I feel like, I wouldn't say everybody should be like that, but I feel like for me, that's been the way that I learn best.
Emily: What is one thing that makes money feel safer or easier for you now, even when the numbers might not be perfect?
Laura: Money is real scary, I'll be honest. Even now, even with all the strategies that I have, it's still, it is a constant, I wouldn't say it's a constant battle. It's more of a, a course correcting trajectory battle, that I'm like, oh, I feel that. And no, that's not how we're supposed to be. And it's almost like the going back to your old life, and then realizing that's not how I was and now I'm back. And that's, it's kind of that thing.
I think for me, I think a, a way that I make money safer is I name my accounts, so I'm like, I have a book fund, I have art [00:30:00] for life because I value art, and the fact that I, you know, a little bit of yarn, like I used to have a yarn fund.
Clearly I do not need a yarn fund because we can see, I have met that need. I even have one that's for the water bill, and then it's water for the mud farm because our farm is basically, it's muddy half the year. And so it's, you know, it works really well that like, I have silly, silly names and honestly it makes it personal when you make things personal for me, it's no longer an enemy. Numbers and digital things, just spreadsheets were very like, affronting to me, but give me a paragraph and a picture and I'm happy. And so it's, it's a way that I prove that I can be an adult and still have fun with my, with my money. I give it a purpose.
Emily: I've heard that advice before and it's not really something I do yet, but I maybe should try this. Instead of like, having a vacation fund, you name it, like, Italy in the Fall, or like, you know, whatever your dream trip is to just like, like you said, make it more personal. But I like that, I like the idea of doing that [00:31:00] with like, the not-so-fun things too. The bills. Just making them more personal so they're less scary and they're more friendly.
Laura: It's kind of a way of gamifying, I guess that's an, that's kind of a newer term that I've heard, um, in the education system. And, and it's something that I, you know, we play games with ourselves all the time. and gamifying for me is just, even just naming it and it's being like, that's no longer an enemy.
You know, your water bill's not an enemy. It's the way that you pay for your water. You need it to live. Like, that's important. So giving it all a purpose makes it very helpful.
Cassidy: Yeah, I was just telling Emily that I renamed my checking and savings account, so like, the default name is just like, individual spending account, and then, individual savings account. I'm like, those feel so stale. So I just changed it to like my checking account with a smiley face and my savings account with a smiley face.
And even though it's 90% the same name, it still feels 200% more fun. Like just by changing up the name.
Laura: Absolutely, it does. I [00:32:00] remember even like when I was teaching and things like that, anything that you could do to make things more fun, even a timed math test, you know, we, I'd put 'em on the walls, post-it note, like, run to this one and, you know, do this math problem. Run over there to the other, find the other one.
Anything that you can do to make things fun just gives life levity and it doesn't have to be so serious all the time. And that's kind of part of my thought in life. And my, my mantra is that it doesn't have to be serious.
Things can be silly, things can be fun. It doesn't always have to be hard.
Cassidy: I kind of feel like the point of life is to try to find as much joy in like all of the small things.
Laura: Oh, I so agree.
Emily: And that's, I think that's a unique perspective to personal finance. Like Cassidy I talk about money all the time and we talk with guests and I think we are trying to like, bring more of that fun, especially with this podcast, to the topic, but it can be so dry and it can be so overwhelming and it can be scary talking about these big financial [00:33:00] topics.
So I really love that perspective.
Cassidy: Okay. Finally, what is one money win you're proud of lately? Big or small?
Laura: Oh, I have two actually. I thought of those and I was like I bought a pair of running shorts and this sounds like silly, but, I didn’t shame spiral over whether I deserved them. And a lot of times I'm like, oh, I don't need this 'cause I don't need it. But I truly needed a new pair of shorts. I don't run, but I needed a new pair of shorts. When I tried these on, I, they were amazing. Um, they were soft, they fit, they made me feel good. And that is big growth for me to be like, yeah, I'm gonna, I like these, I'm gonna buy them. And it wasn't, it wasn't like they were expensive, but it was just, it was a small purchase for me. And I think someone that's, you know, coming out of having kids, that's never what you think of first is to buy a pair of shorts for yourself.
And, you know, if my kids had needed shorts, I would've obviously bought them shorts first, but they didn't need shorts, but I did. And so I was the one who got the shorts. And then the other one is, I didn't buy a course that I needed, or [00:34:00] thought I needed. It was a course that I thought I needed to learn more about some topic and I started thinking about it and I put it in the cart and I hemmed and hawed just for a second, and I thought, hmm, I actually know enough to keep going on this subject and not purchase this little bitty course that's gonna tell me you know my one win. And I mean it was a very valid course and important for, you know, whoever bought it.
But it just wasn't something that I personally needed and I was really proud of myself for being like, I actually already know this and I can trust that I know it and don't feel the fear of missing out. Like they're gonna know something that I don't, it feels very important. I was, I was excited that I had that little tiny win.
Cassidy: Okay. I just wanna say if you are listening to this and you are also an online business owner, I feel like you not buying that course is the biggest example of impulse control, like the number of courses that I have purchased because I felt like it was gonna be the silver bullet that like, fixes this problem that I have in my [00:35:00] business.
Even knowing like, if I take a step back, I need to be the silver bullet. I have all of the information. I just need to do the thing. But you're like, courses can be so tempting,
Laura: They are. And especially, I write sales pages sometimes, you know, some of my copywriting is sales pages, so I convince myself in the sales pages and I'm like, I clearly need this now.
Emily: I think also like, and this might be unique, but for the three of us, like, we had such a life changing experience with the copywriting course that we all took, and so you're like, well, now that I know this exists, what else is out there to change my life in an amazing way? So I totally get that too.
Cassidy: Yeah
Laura: You gotta balance your, your, your learning, your brain that wants to always learn and consume with like, okay, I actually have to make money as well. Like, that's kind of important.
Cassidy: Yeah. Emily, that's such a good point. I'm over here thinking like, yeah, the very first course I ever bought did change my life. So of course, anytime a course comes along, I'm like, could this one also [00:36:00] change my life?
Emily: Yeah.
Laura: I feel that so, so, so well. Oh, I was gonna say, I, I have, there's one more. There was a story that I was gonna share with y'all. I don't know whether this is probably a good time to say it, but it's a money rhythm that is, okay. So this is my, my farm money story. So I have a great, money rhythm that I'm really proud about. It could be another proud win. My chickens pay for their own food. We bought our property two and a half years ago and my partner and I agreed that if we were gonna raise animals, they had to contribute in some way, whether that was, you know, by paying for their own food or whether it was by bringing us joy, because that's also important. Um, that also is important. So, um. Feeding the chickens and gathering the eggs and all of that every day is part of my like, daily rhythm and checking on the geese. It's really slow and quiet and, it feeds, you know, my fridge, it feeds my nervous system. My partner sells the eggs to her clients and it's a side quest and it's something I didn't know I needed.
But I'm really proud of the fact that we've got just enough chickens [00:37:00] that we can make enough money with the eggs that they pay for their own food. And so. Our pigs do not pay for their own food, but they make us joyful. And same with the dogs and things like that, but the chickens pay their way.
Emily: Good for them.
Laura: We’re real proud of those chickens.
Yeah. A lot of my business stuff, if you look on my Instagram, is a lot of chicken humor and farm humor, so sometimes it's relatable. Sometimes I'm like, I'm just doing this for me. It's fun.
Cassidy: Yeah.
Emily: We have joked in previous episodes, we actually did a whole episode about how much I spent on my dog her first year with us and Cassidy and I joke about how she really needs to launch her influencer career because one, she's adorable and hilarious and I think, and like has this huge personality, but two, she needs to start bringing in some money for this household.
Laura: Absolutely. My, yeah, I make sure that mine do. I try at least that's the goal. They’re on my LinkedIn.
Cassidy:Oh, are they?
Laura: Yeah. I've got, I've got, I've got Hans and Frans on [00:38:00] Instagram, my little Polish hens.
Laura: Yes, they're my sweet girls.
Emily: Laura, thank you so much for sharing your experience with us today, and all your little stories. It's been such a joy. If our listeners resonated with your story, where and how can they connect with you online?
Laura: They can find me on Substack at Wild Minds at Mudhollow, writing there. Also at laurashepherdcopy.com if it's more, copywriting related. I'm on Instagram as well.
Cassidy: Amazing, and we will link those in the show notes if you want to find more of Laura online. Yeah, this conversation is such a reminder that progress does not have to look perfect and that there's no shame in starting wherever you are, no matter your age, no matter what you've done in the past. All of those things. For our neurodivergent listeners and anyone who's ever felt overwhelmed or behind with money, we hope this episode feels like a deep exhale and just a reminder that you are not alone and that there are softer, smarter ways to move forward.
And with that, we will [00:39:00] see you next week for a new episode.
Laura: Thank you.
