How to make Valentine’s Day feel special (without overconsuming) / 62
If Valentine’s Day has ever made you feel pressured, behind, or quietly annoyed at how expensive it all seems — it’s not just you. This Valentine’s Day, we’re unpacking how the holiday became a multi-billion-dollar industry, why there’s so much pressure, and how you can reclaim the day in a way that actually feels good for you.
Whether you’re partnered, single, or… it’s complicated, this conversation is about opting out of overconsumption without opting out of joy. It’s about honoring your values, your budget, and your need for a little whimsy — all at the same time. Let’s dive in.
Episode timestamps
[00:00] Why Valentine’s Day feels so commercial — and why that’s not new
[02:00] Social media, comparison spirals, and performance pressure
[03:30] How much Americans actually spend on Valentine’s Day
[06:00] Emily’s low-key, at-home Valentine’s Day tradition
[07:00] Cassidy’s evolving approach — from compromise to self-celebration
[09:00] Making holidays special when no one else does it for you
[14:00] Low-consumption Valentine’s ideas from real people
[20:00] Wallet-friendly and eco-friendly ways to celebrate
[24:00] A simple reflection exercise to redesign Valentine’s Day for you
Valentine’s Day has always been a business
If you’ve ever felt like Valentine’s Day is basically a marketing event wearing a heart-shaped costume — you’re right. In the U.S., the holiday really took off in the 1840s when printing got cheaper, making premade cards more accessible. By the early 1900s, companies like Hallmark had turned it into a full-scale gifting moment.
People complained about it being commercial and insincere even back then. The idea that Valentine’s Day used to be pure and romantic before capitalism got involved is mostly a myth.
What has changed is the volume. Social media means we’re no longer just seeing what’s in the store or what our partner does — we’re seeing everyone else’s Valentine’s Day, too. That visibility can turn into pressure, shame, or comparison, even if we don’t consciously buy into it.
The numbers behind Valentine’s Day spending
Let’s talk data for a moment. According to the National Retail Federation, consumer spending on Valentine’s Day is expected to hit a record $29.1 billion, with shoppers spending nearly $200 on average.
Here are the top five gifts people plan to give:
Candy: 56%
Flowers: 41%
Greeting cards: 41%
An evening out: 39%
Jewelry: 25%
And it’s not just romantic partners. People are also buying Valentine’s gifts for friends, coworkers, kids’ classmates, teachers, and — yes — pets. 🐶
None of this is inherently bad. But it does raise a question worth asking: Am I spending because it feels meaningful, or because it feels expected?
Two different — and intentional — Valentine’s Day approaches
We both identify as fairly frugal, but our Valentine’s Day traditions look a little different.
Emily and her husband decided early on that they wouldn’t exchange gifts for this holiday. Instead, they cook a nice dinner at home and make chocolate-covered strawberries — a tradition that feels special without being expensive. For Emily, it’s about creating small moments to look forward to, especially in the depths of winter, without external pressure.
Cassidy’s relationship with Valentine’s Day has evolved more dramatically. After years of compromising with a partner who didn’t want to celebrate at all, she realized something important: if she wanted the day to feel special, she had to take ownership of that herself.
Buying herself chocolates or planning a day with friends became a way to honor what she needed — not what the holiday was “supposed” to look like. That practice eventually expanded into birthdays and other holidays, especially during seasons of being single.
Whether you take one of our approaches or do Valentine’s day your way, it’s the intention that matters most.
Low-consumption Valentine’s ideas that still feel special
If you’re like us, you may want to celebrate Valentine’s Day — but not go broke doing it. Here are some ideas we found online that we’ve either done ourselves or are itching to try:
Planning a free but intentional date, like a scenic hike with hot cocoa and homemade treats
Giving homemade gifts — drawings, letters, poems, baked goods — instead of buying things
Going out to eat, but choosing a non-Valentine’s Day date to avoid chaos and pressure
Buying yourself flowers or chocolates because you love you, period
Choosing small, playful gifts that are more about doing something together than the item itself
A common thread? Meaning beats money, every time.
Sustainable and wallet-friendly ways to celebrate
We also loved a few ideas from a Substack post focused on environmentally friendly Valentine’s traditions:
Prioritizing experiences over material gifts — walks, picnics, classes, shared activities
Making zero-waste or recycled cards
Supporting local artisans instead of big-box stores
Cooking a candlelit dinner at home
Baking homemade treats
Using recycled or fabric gift wrap instead of buying new
A Valentine’s Day reflection
If Valentine’s Day has felt off in the past, try answering these questions on your own or with a friend or partner:
What actually makes me feel loved in my body?
What kind of Valentine’s Day do I want, even if no one else sees it?
Where am I spending money out of expectation instead of meaning?
What’s one small thing that would help me feel more connected to the people I love this Valentine’s Day?
There’s no right answer. But hopefully, answering these questions can help you plan a Valentine’s Day that’s truly yours.
TL;DR
Valentine’s Day has always been commercial — you’re not imagining it.
Social media amplifies pressure, but you can opt out.
Spending more doesn’t equal caring more.
You’re allowed to celebrate yourself, your friends, or no one at all.
Meaning, intention, and alignment matter more than gifts.
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