Feeling stuck with money? Start with your beliefs, not the numbers (ft. Michelle Malawer)
Talking about money can feel surprisingly vulnerable, even when you’re smart, capable, and doing your best. A lot of the time, the hardest part goes beyond the math: Guilt, fear, decision fatigue, and the stories we tell ourselves about what our financial situation says about us can weigh just as heavily.
In this episode, we talk with money coach Michelle Malawer about what money coaching actually looks like in practice, when it makes sense to work with a coach versus a financial advisor, and why so many money struggles are really about behavior, shame, boundaries, and nervous system regulation — not just spreadsheets. We also get into a part of personal finance that doesn’t get enough airtime: learning how to spend in ways that feel meaningful, supportive, and alive.
Timestamps
[00:02:00] The key differences between money coaches and financial advisors — and when you might want to hire each
[00:03:00] A real-life example of money coaching in action
[00:06:00] Common problems people (especially women) bring to money coaching
[00:08:00] What it means to “taste test” joy and pleasure with spending
[00:11:00] What’s actually behind feeling stuck with money
[00:13:00] Why emotions often come before numbers in coaching
[00:16:00] The surprising insights clients discover about themselves
[00:17:00] Why fostering your sense of imagination is an underrated money skill
[00:25:00] Money beliefs that show up often for women
[00:29:00] Michelle’s experience working with financial therapist
What money coaching does that a financial advisor usually doesn’t
One of Michelle’s clearest points is that money coaching and financial advising aren’t the same job — and that’s not a bad thing. They can actually work together beautifully.
A financial advisor typically focuses on investments, long-term planning, tax decisions, and portfolio strategy. A money coach, on the other hand, focuses on the lived experience of money — things like cash flow, habits, follow-through, and the emotional patterns that shape our financial decisions.
Michelle shared an example of a client who looked financially secure on paper but still struggled with the day-to-day realities of managing money. She had significant assets and income, yet she was relying on credit during certain parts of the year and avoiding a difficult boundary with a family member that was quietly draining her finances.
Those aren’t investment questions. They’re behavioral and emotional ones — exactly the kind of work money coaching focuses on.
It’s also a reminder that having money and feeling confident with money aren’t the same thing.
The problems people bring to a money coach are often bigger than the spreadsheet
Michelle says clients usually fall into a few broad categories.
Some come in with urgent financial situations that need immediate triage — things like mounting expenses, multiple properties, or complicated financial responsibilities.
Others technically have things under control — but feel stuck or unclear about what to do next.
And occasionally, someone comes in with what Michelle calls a “good money problem.” One client, for example, had been told by her advisor that she had more than enough money and should spend $20,000 purely on fun, yet she couldn’t bring herself to spend it.
This third category highlights something we don’t talk about enough in personal finance: spending can be difficult, too.
Michelle describes money skills like muscles — saving, spending, earning, and investing. Many of us overdevelop one of those muscles while neglecting the others, which can leave us financially responsible but emotionally disconnected from our money.
Why emotions matter so much in money decisions
When a client feels stuck, Michelle doesn’t start with the numbers.
Instead, she tries to understand what’s underneath the overwhelm. Is it fear? Shame? Decision fatigue? A belief that nothing they do will actually make a difference?
Those emotional states matter because when someone’s nervous system is activated, it’s much harder to process information or make thoughtful decisions.
That’s why Michelle often spends significant time exploring emotions in early sessions before diving into the numbers. It’s not avoiding the practical work — it’s making that work possible.
Imagination is a money skill, too
One idea that stood out in this conversation is Michelle’s belief that imagination is a financial skill.
When someone is buried in stress, debt, or uncertainty, it’s difficult to think beyond survival. But once there’s even a little breathing room, something interesting happens: people begin reconnecting with their desires.
Michelle has seen clients discover goals they hadn’t even considered before — from creative side hustles to meaningful retirement plans — once they had the mental space to imagine a different future.
That kind of imagination matters because vague financial goals rarely motivate us… it’s the personal, specific ones that do.
And for many women, reconnecting with desire takes practice. We’re often taught to prioritize everyone else’s needs first, which can make it harder to identify what we actually want.
It’s not something you’ll read about in most finance books or money blogs, but learning to access those desires can become a powerful part of building a financial life that feels meaningful.
Common money patterns among women
Michelle sees a handful of money beliefs come up repeatedly in her work with women:
“Money isn’t learnable.”
“I’ve always been bad with money.”
“I’m too far behind for it to matter.”
“Things can’t really get better.”
“I shouldn’t ask for more.”
That last belief often shows up when women set prices or negotiate income.
Part of Michelle’s role is helping clients move from “I’m stuck” to “there are options.” When someone feels trapped, she’s scanning for possibilities — whether that means restructuring expenses, exploring new income paths, or setting boundaries.
She also emphasizes the importance of self-compassion, especially around debt. Our financial system actively encourages borrowing (how often do you see an ad for a loan, credit card, or BNPL service?), and many people end up blaming themselves for situations shaped by much larger forces.
Shame tends to keep people frozen, and compassion is the antidote that makes change possible.
What financial therapy can offer
Though Michelle is a money coach, she recognized she could benefit from hiring a financial pro, too. And she was kind enough to share what it’s really like working with a financial therapist.
Interestingly, she didn’t get help because her numbers were disorganized. She tracks her finances really closely. What she wanted was a greater sense of peace around money.
Financial therapy helped her identify emotional reactions tied to past experiences and learn how to name and process those feelings more clearly.
That work also helped her rethink some of her spending goals. For example, she realized that what she valued most wasn’t necessarily the expense itself — like travel — but the feelings connected to it, like anticipation, excitement, and connection.
Understanding the deeper value behind a purchase can sometimes reveal simpler, less expensive ways to create those same experiences.
It’s a powerful reminder that money decisions are rarely just about the numbers.
TL;DR
Money coaching focuses on behavior, cash flow, patterns, and accountability, while financial advisors typically focus on investments and long-term strategy.
Many money struggles aren’t just about numbers — they’re also about shame, fear, nervous system overwhelm, and old relationship patterns.
Spending can be just as challenging as saving, especially for people who’ve learned to equate enjoyment with irresponsibility.
Imagination is an underrated money skill because it helps people define goals that actually feel meaningful and personal.
Budgeting can create order, but deeper emotional peace may require therapy, reflection, and support.
Resources:
Connect with Michelle on LinkedIn
Join Michelle’s free money book club for women
Get Ramit Sethi’s I Will Teach You To Be Rich: The Journal
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This content is for educational purposes only and isn’t personalized financial, tax, or legal advice.
